Impersonal.

Wed, 10 May 2006 13:42:10 GMT

New journal.

http://one_blank_page.livejournal.com

Because I do this when things change.

Please add.

Hm.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 13:40:13 GMT

I.
1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 12:52:16 GMT

You think Mariah's and Regine's songs are cruel for being too high?

No. Drink warm water before singing. Does the trick.

This is cruel:

Wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I.

It's the reversed version of "I need more affection than you know." It's from the theme of Kingdom Hearts. Written by Utada Hikaru. Composed by Utada Hikaru. Sang by Utada Hikaru. Possibly with the aid of computers.

This is what a singer would do if she doesn't want her song to be sang by others. Forget the highs and lows, just make your song a tongue twister.

P.S.
I'm in love with this song, by the way. Hah.

P.P.S.
This reminds me of a time I was dared to learn Rurouni Kenshin's 1/2. I did it in one day because I thought it was a challenge. Right now, I'm still having problems with "Only When I Sleep" by The Corrs. Because I can't sing "only". Gah.

ETA: Right, so how do I sing this?

Snwod dna spu ynam os
Dnuorgelttab a s'traeh ym
Snoitome owt deen I
Tub,
Wonk uoy naht snoitceffa erom deen i
Snoitome owt deen I

I told myself, Look, just imagine it's Elvish. Except I sort of understand Elvish. And it's easier to speak Elvish. Except, well, Mordor's. I just don't get that at all.

Bah. We'll see.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 09:17:21 GMT

I'm losing weight, why.

Er, I mean, YAY!

My skirts are fitting me better, but I'm not doing anything different. Except that I think I missed one morning and I wasn't able to drink my medicine. I'd expect that would mean my metabolism would slow down if there's ever an effect, which I doubt there should be because I took it after I realized I forgot. I don't know.

I'm getting paid Php 1,000 per week to prepare my parents' meals. They're on the South Beach Diet, although my dad's already in phase 2. I always felt sorry for him because I know a lot of his favorite foods are not part of the diet, but he has discipline and I'm really proud of him.

I don't think my mom can endure it though. She's a sports-addict - and I'm serious, she goes on withdrawal and gets depressed when she misses playing for more than two days in a row - and since she needs carbohydrates for energy and the diet forbids them, I don't think she's going to last. She's getting weak, plus she keeps on telling me that she wants her food to taste better. She wants oyster sauce on her vegetables and just this morning she took a little bit of ketchup, so right now I was wondering if I should restart her diet. It's only her third day.

By lunchtime today I have finally convinced her to quit. It's not that she can't do it - although I do have my doubts, she's always liked richly-flavored food - but because it isn't healthy. You cannot go without rice or bread and expect to play intense games of badminton for three hours straight. All right, you can, but the allowed carbohydrates are really expensive. Honestly, how many light mozarella sticks would she take to make her hunger go away? How much is a small, ordinary block of mozarella? Not to mention the desserts. One cup of non-fat ricotta cheese with assorted flavors every night, are you kidding me? I'm not buying that for my parents, even if it's their money.

My sister always said I was weird this way. I'm so concerned about money that's not even my own. Would you believe our electric bill's Php 10,000? I almost had a second seizure and it's not even my money; imagine how things would be if I'm the one earning along with my dad. I might've had apoplexy. I'm currently grilling my best friend that he take a management degree instead of studying art. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the love of art and passion and what, but he already paid Php 600,000 for his culinary arts course and he's graduating and bite me, but I'm not letting him waste that. His dad doesn't mind - honestly, rich people - and is even asking him all the time about whether or not he's taking art and I'm like Fuck no, I'll kick your face in, I swear.

Anyway, back to the family. By telling my mom to quit, I just gave away Php 1,000 for one week. Maybe I'll get 500 because I'm still preparing my dad's food, but I don't know. I didn't want to get paid from the very start anyway. I thought it was too much, and maybe they can just give me money if I need it, but my mom insisted.

It's funny because these are one of the things about me that my sister hates. She studies and I don't and I still get a higher grade than her (except in Accounting, she beat me there, at least), she hates getting hugs from parents and I really don't mind, she hates being ordered around while I also don't mind, etc. There are a lot of things I don't mind doing, like get my brother a glass of water if I'm near the water dispenser, or cook lunch for everyone instead of just sticking to the contract and cooking only for my parents. I prepare two meals at a time: one for the dieters and one for non-dieters. It's probably because I really think I'm being paid too much; doing 8 meals in a day is worth the amount, I think. It's stupid anyway, I cook for the family when I feel like it, which is pretty often. Just not days and days in a row because I also get tired and lazy. Maybe that's why my mom made it a job, so I won't be able to refuse.

What what.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 04:24:02 GMT

I think Riku/Sora is becoming an OTP. Except it's not the only one. Unless, you know, we're just talking about Kingdom Hearts.

This is one of the final battles posted in YouTube (lol, admit it gamers, we can be dorks sometimes) where the player just kept attacking. Plain attacking. He really should've died during the first two minutes but Riku kept healing him, haha! The comments are even funnier. Anyway, there are loads of these kinds of recordings in YouTube, more for the Sephiroth battle, which really is the fun boss and not the final one. Not that I'll play this. My brother already finished it last week.

FFX-2 is girly and pointless and weird and brilliant. My brother can't get the battle system, and I said that after mastering junctions in FF8 I do not want to learn another battle sysem. Everyone knows I lie about these things, what. Anyway, I don't know what you're all on about saying it sucks. I swear, if I don't find Tidus I'll throw the PS2 out the window. Or make it explode again. I don't think my best friend would appreciate me destroying his PS2, though. Er.

I am so in love with Paine. A year ago I thought my favorite would be Rikku, but obviously, I was wrong.

I have this habit where I'll guess people's zodiac signs, and I usually get them right. Anyway, since I'm on dork mode, I'm watching Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, the live-action Sailor Moon series. It's really not that bad, the actresses are cute and God, Makoto's absolutely perfect. She reminds me of a friend though, so it's a bit freaky liking her. She has the same voice, too. Ugh.

Anyway, I was looking through the actress profiles and ended up guessing their blood types. I got all five of them correctly, except maybe for Mamoru's actor. I don't know what his blood type is, but I don't really care for him, do I? Kunzite's actor, on the other hand, is a whole different story.

Movies!

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 01:16:38 GMT

It's in everybody else's blog ;D

Number the movies you have seen. If the number is over seventy, you watch too many movies.

() Napoleon Dynamite
() Saw
(1) White Noise
() White Oleander
(2) Anger Management
(3) 50 First Dates
() Jason X
() Scream
() Scream 2
() Scream 3
(4) Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
() American Pie
() American Pie 2
(5) American Wedding
(6) Harry Potter
(7) Harry Potter 2
(8) Harry Potter 3
(9) Tomb Raider
(10) Resident Evil
() Resident Evil 2
() The Wedding Singer
(11) Little Black Book
(12) The Italian Job
() The Village
() Donnie Darko
(13) Lilo & Stitch
(14) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(15) 13 Ghosts
(16) Signs
(17) The Grinch
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(18) White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
(19) Thirteen going on 30
() I, Robot
(20) Dodgeball
() Universal Soldier
(21) Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
() Bridget Jones Diary
(22) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
() Along Came a Spider
() Deep Impact
() KingPin
(23) Never Been Kissed
(24) Meet The Parents
(25) Meet The Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
(26) A Cinderella Story
(27) The Terminal
(28) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(29) Dumb & Dumber
(30) Dumb & Dumberer
() Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Amityville Horror (Original)
() Halloween
() The Ring
() The Ring 2
() Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(31) Practical Magic
(32) Chicago
() Idle Hands
() Ghost Ship
() Hellboy
() Secret Window
(33) I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
() The Day After Tomorrow
(34) Child's Play
(35) Bride of Chucky
(36) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
(37) Gothika
() A Nightmare on Elm Street
() Sixteen Candles
() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
(38) Se7en
() Ocean's Eleven
(39) Ocean's Twelve
() Sin City
() Identity
() Lone Star
(40) Bedazzled
() Predator I
() Predator II
() Alien Vs. Predator
(41) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(42) ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Boss' Daughter
(43) Maid in Manhattan
() Frailty
() Best Bet
(44) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(45) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
() Being John Malkovich
() High Fidelity
() Sideways
() Finding Julia
(46) Maria Full of Grace
(47) Mars Attack
(48) Without a Paddle
() Milk Money
() Event Horizon
(49) Ever After
(50) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(51) X-men
(52) X-men 2
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
() Catch Me If You Can
() The Others
(53) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
(54) Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() Cruel Intentions 3
() The Hot Chick
() Swimfan
() Miracle
() Old School
() Ray
(55) The Notebook
() K-Pax
(56) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(57) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(58) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(59)A Walk to Remember
() Boogeyman
() Eternal Sunshine Of a Spotless Mind
(60) Hitch
() Back Door Sluts 9
() The Fifth Element
(61) Star Wars Episode I
() Star Wars Episode II
(62) Star Wars Episode III
(63) Star Wars Episode IV
(64) Star Wars Episode V
(65) Star Wars Episode VI
() Troop Beverly Hills
() Swimming With Sharks
() Trainspotting
() People Under the Stairs
() Blue Velvet
(66) Sound of music --> Come on, who hasn't?
(67) The Parent Trap
() The Burbs
() SLC Punk
(68) Meet Joe Black
() Wild Girls
() Clockwork Orange
()The Order
(69) Spider-man
(70) Spider-man 2
() Amelie
(71) Mean Girls
(72) Shrek
(73) Shrek 2
(74) The Incredibles
() Collateral
() The Fast and the Furious
() 2 Fast 2 Furious
() Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
(75) Closer
(76) The Sixth Sense
(77) Artificial Intelligence
() Love Actually
() Shutter
(78) Ella Enchanted
(79) Princess Diaries 1
(80) Princess Diaries 2
() The Graduate
(81) Constantine
(82) Million Dollar Baby
() Mallrats
() Party Monster
() Detroit Rock City
() The Goonies
() Y Tu Mama Tambien
() Pulp Fiction
() Wet Hot American Summer
() Crash
() Empire Records
(83) Notting Hill
() Pretty Woman
(84) Pirates of the Caribbean

Yay! There are a lot of movies here that I want to see :D

Aaw~

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 16:20:10 GMT

It's pretty stupid of me not to notice that this colorbar was made out of my drawings for SWAS. Not even the best ones of Draco either, but I suck drawing favorite characters anyway. I really don't mind; it's very pretty. Now, while others would've been bitchin' and moaning about "Oh God, has anybody asked for my permission?" right about now, I shall sit here and be happy that people also like the colorbar. Because it's pretty. What.

Anyway, kitty knows my password. I know it's obvious, but it has to be said, in case weird things start to happen. Still, as far as I'm concerned, the last post was entirely too sweet for words. I'm in such a good mood these days. ♥

Post-Finals.

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 09:32:57 GMT

...Something tells me this is not yet over until the 17th.

Black holes.

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 16:11:43 GMT

Because my kitty wants them. And I enjoy these things. Finals are up next week so I'm indulging myself before I get immersed in Hell.

Quicktime short movie type thing.

Black holes are actually scary. I don't know why, but the idea of getting sucked up, crushed to bits, and suffering a life of eternal darkness are just some of the things that I find disturbing. I also had this scare once when I was a wee girl that some star would explode and suck up the solar system. For such a huge ball of fire that gives skin cancer, the sun is such a wuss compared to other stars. The good thing about that, of course, is that it wouldn't be a black hole.

So yes. I wasn't afraid of monsters under the bed when I was a kid. I was afraid of judgment day (okay, still afraid of that now) and black holes. Sometimes I also thought of the sun getting old, expanding into a red star, eating up Mercury and Venus and just plain burning Earth.

Now who says imagination is a good thing?

I know it looks weird and the black hole seems as bit bright, but it's actually small that you don't see the black hole itself. The bright light is actually the light that surrounds the black hole (and will eventually get eaten). The line of light that seems to be coming out of the bright disc is what are called "the lucky ones" who didn't get sucked up. Yet, I think.

I'm not sure if this is a real picture. More like a painting to me or something because a black hole just cannot be taken this nicely.

I'm quite sure this isn't real. Still scares me, nevertheless. It's like seeing God angry, but that's another topic for a later date.

Oops?

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 00:08:26 GMT

The YStyle section of of the Philippine Daily Star has this picture with a floating line that says: "All that glitters isn't gold."

You know, if you're going to quote Tolkien - or anybody for that matter - you might as well do it right. The Legolas fanbase can rule the world if they want to, but I'm also quite sure that the Aragorn fans will make a pretty nice mob.

ETA: Because I just hate effing morons and I love Lord of the Rings and you just can't keep reminding me about old loves because I will never shut up. I don't know if I picked up calling this poem the "Aragorn Poem" or I just named it that myself. I can't remember. What I do remember clearly from the books is Legolas singing and hugging the trees in Fangorn. You want something freaky? It's an attractive wood-elf having an orgasmic high just touching and singing for millenia old trees.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

I'm such a nerd for memorizing this thing it's so stupid. Not the poem (I absolutely adore it), but me knowing it. You know what sucks as much? Memorizing the poem-cum-quote of The One Ring. I don't know. It's just not right keeping something like that in my subconscious.

ASTRONOMY: Since we're on the topic of storms...

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 14:36:25 GMT

Saturn has them, too!

The Storm Continues

I think I read somewhere that the storm is called "dragon storm" because unlike Jupiter's Red Spot, Saturn's storm is shaped like a dragon. I don't know, it looks like an attempt of a child to write Celtic, but I guess dragon's tail can work, too.

I love thunderstorms. I love them extra on other planets because I know they're not killing anything. They can rage all they want and I'll just love them much, much more. They should grow, like Jupiter's. There should be a planet far away from Earth that's a whole storm in itself. More dangerous than a black hole and all that. Storms here on Earth are beautiful, but it's terrible when people die because of them.

I sound like a child.

ETA: Okay, here we go: Dragon Storm

ETA2: Okay, when I was a kid, the books said Uranus had 15 moons. Now it has 27. It also had 3 rings. Now they say it's 15. WTF, I'm so behind. Then again, this is stock knowledge from when I was in grade 2. At least I still remember, right?

Hubble - Uranus

ETA3: I just realized how boring the Earth is. Okay, it really isn't, but isn't it unfair that we only have one natural satellite? Even Mars has more moons, and it's so small. Pluto at the moment is playing at 3 moons. Jupiter has about 40, Saturn has about 25, Uranus has 27 and we have 1. Mars having 2 moons may be because despite it's low gravitational pull, it's close to the asteroid belt, but I really don't want to think rationally when I'm ranting.

I once had a dream that we had 4 moons. We might end up drowning with the rising of the tides with 4 moons, but come on. 4 moons.

ASTRONOMY: Jupiter's Red Jr.

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 14:20:37 GMT

NASA - Jupiter's New Red Spot

Plus points for this because a Filipino discovered it. My dad showed me an article in the papers this morning (it's a ritual of ours, reading the paper; no wonder we're always late) and it was about this. Storms are fun. I love thunderstorms, and I remember that as a child I've always liked reading about the red spot, except that at the time astronomers really didn't have much to say about it. I haven't checked recently since I'm too caught up with the search for water and the whole Pluto thing, but yayness, I'm back to Jupiter!

Needless to say, it took me and my dad less than a day to decide that we're going to make our own telescope. I know we can do it. My dad's not really a businessman; he's a bloody physicist. So yes. Honestly, never put two science geeks together because they'll end up doing the craziest things. My dad did the research, he'll pay the Php15,000 at least just for the lenses (plus shipping!) and we'll do it over the summer.

This so beats going abroad. ~~I'm such a bore, I know it, I know it!~~ Like I want to leave this stupid country anyway.

My first tag is born. One can plainly see that this journal is getting flooded by NASA articles. The least I can do is organize them.

OMG FUCK THIS!!!

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 13:53:37 GMT

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE THIS IS SUCH A JOKE I APOLOGIZE TO THAT DEAD MAN WE ALL KNOW AS THE COUNTRY'S NATIONAL HERO FOR GOD'S SAKE I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL MY THESIS GOD BLESS OUR DEFENSE TOMORROW!

R I Z A L

Yeah, that's the name of the site. Snaps for creativity and mind the sarcasm.

I have lost so much of my dignity this half of March that I'm not sure how I can regain it again. I should, of course, start writing properly again. Then again, finals are just a week away. All together now: Yay!

Yay!

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 10:39:52 GMT

My Yahoo! is one of the best things in the world right now.

Cassini Finds Signs of Water on Saturn's Moon

This guy is too cute~

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 10:18:35 GMT

Our LITERA2 group will be presenting poems by Federico Lorca, a Spanish poet, for the poetry recital. I'd write down a short biodata, but I'd rather I write about his homosexuality. Unfortunately, his love life was not a very good one. He was besotted with Salvador Dali when they were in university. The feeling, however, was unrequited. They were good friends, but that's just about it. Anyway, Lorca eventually had a lover, but that man left him to marry a woman. ~~Fucking coward.~~ Lorca died a martyr for his country, alone and unloved.

Ode to Salvador Dali
by Federico Garcia Lorca

A rose in the high garden you desire.
A wheel in the pure syntax of steel.
The mountain stripped bare of Impressionist fog,
The grays watching over the last balustrades.

The modern painters in their white ateliers
clip the square root's sterilized flower.
In the waters of the Seine a marble iceberg
chills the windows and scatters the ivy.

Man treads firmly on the cobbled streets.
Crystals hide from the magic of reflections.
The Government has closed the perfume stores.
The machine perpetuates its binary beat.

An absence of forests and screens and brows
roams across the roofs of the old houses.
The air polishes its prism on the sea
and the horizon rises like a great aqueduct.

Soldiers who know no wine and no penumbra
behead the sirens on the seas of lead.
Night, black statue of prudence, holds
the moon's round mirror in her hand.

A desire for forms and limits overwhelms us.
Here comes the man who sees with a yellow ruler.
Venus is a white still life
and the butterfly collectors run away.

*

Cadaqués, at the fulcrum of water and hill,
lifts flights of stairs and hides seashells.
Wooden flutes pacify the air.
An ancient woodland god gives the children fruit.

Her fishermen sleep dreamless on the sand.
On the high sea a rose is their compass.
The horizon, virgin of wounded handkerchiefs,
links the great crystals of fish and moon.

A hard diadem of white brigantines
encircles bitter foreheads and hair of sand.
The sirens convince, but they don't beguile,
and they come if we show a glass of fresh water.

*

Oh Salvador Dali, of the olive-colored voice!
I do not praise your halting adolescent brush
or your pigments that flirt with the pigment of your times,
but I laud your longing for eternity with limits.

Sanitary soul, you live upon new marble.
You run from the dark jungle of improbable forms.
Your fancy reaches only as far as your hands,
and you enjoy the sonnet of the sea in your window.

The world is dull penumbra and disorder
in the foreground where man is found.
But now the stars, concealing landscapes,
reveal the perfect schema of their courses.

The current of time pools and gains order
in the numbered forms of century after century.
And conquered Death takes refuge trembling
in the tight circle of the present instant.

When you take up your palette, a bullet hole in its wing,
you call on the light that brings the olive tree to life.
The broad light of Minerva, builder of scaffolds,
where there is no room for dream or its hazy flower.

You call on the old light that stays on the brow,
not descending to the mouth or the heart of man.
A light feared by the loving vines of Bacchus
and the chaotic force of curving water.

You do well when you post warning flags
along the dark limit that shines in the night.
As a painter, you refuse to have your forms softened
by the shifting cotton of an unexpected cloud.

The fish in the fishbowl and the bird in the cage.
You refuse to invent them in the sea or the air.
You stylize or copy once you have seen
their small, agile bodies with your honest eyes.

You love a matter definite and exact,
where the toadstool cannot pitch its camp.
You love the architecture that builds on the absent
and admit the flag simply as a joke.

The steel compass tells its short, elastic verse.
Unknown clouds rise to deny the sphere exists.
The straight line tells of its upward struggle
and the learned crystals sing their geometries.

*

But also the rose of the garden where you live.
Always the rose, always, our north and south!
Calm and ingathered like an eyeless statue,
not knowing the buried struggle it provokes.

Pure rose, clean of artifice and rough sketches,
opening for us the slender wings of the smile.
(Pinned butterfly that ponders its flight.)
Rose of balance, with no self-inflicted pains.
Always the rose!

*

Oh Salvador Dali, of the olive-colored voice!
I speak of what your person and your paintings tell me.
I do not praise your halting adolescent brush,
but I sing the steady aim of your arrows.

I sing your fair struggle of Catalan lights,
your love of what might be made clear.
I sing your astronomical and tender heart,
a never-wounded deck of French cards.

I sing your restless longing for the statue,
your fear of the feelings that await you in the street.
I sing the small sea siren who sings to you,
riding her bicycle of corals and conches.

But above all I sing a common thought
that joins us in the dark and golden hours.
The light that blinds our eyes is not art.
Rather it is love, friendship, crossed swords.

Not the picture you patiently trace,
but the breast of Theresa, she of sleepless skin,
the tight-wound curls of Mathilde the ungrateful,
our friendship, painted bright as a game board.

May fingerprints of blood on gold
streak the heart of eternal Catalunya.
May stars like falconless fists shine on you,
while your painting and your life break into flower.

Don't watch the water clock with its membraned wings
or the hard scythe of the allegory.
Always in the air, dress and undress your brush
before the sea peopled with sailors and ships.

LIKE OMGSKWEE!!!

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 23:13:19 GMT

I once said that if I had a choice, I'd be an astronomer. I just realized that I chose it over biologist. Fancy that.

Pictures and Kuiper Belts and Pluto eek! (Why am I not making sense when faced with these things?)

Hubble & Spitzer Space Telescopes (Space Pictures)

Pluto Might Have Rings

Because there's humor even in tragedy.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 12:20:41 GMT

Right, because it's just so funny.

Snape Comic!

It was actually the title that got me cracking up. You have to have read HBP to get it, though.

Pictures for Loli-chan!

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:47:59 GMT

As promised, pictures for Loli-chan's sim :D

She seems to enjoy cleaning up while running over certain things in her head.

The interior of the house! The plants are a bit unkept, but plants hate me. I can't even properly take care of flower beds here in sims, so just imagine me with real ones.

Exterior!

The pond and the willow tree! My signature! ♥

More Tifa!!!

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 00:50:59 GMT

Another post from Loveless. Cloud x Tifa is the only het couple I'm supporting; I lost interest on everything else. Finally, things are starting to make sense and although I'm quite sure that Cloud still likes Tifa throughout the game, I'm very happy to actually have proof.

「 Case Of Tifa 」

Case Of Tifa is one of two short stories from the collection "On The Way To A Smile". Unlike the first story, Case Of Tifa was published in print in a book entitled "FF7: Advent Children - Prologue" on the same day as the movie was released. This translation is from FF7 Web Novels, with minor spelling and grammatical errors fixed by me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tifa walked the last customer out of her store Seventh Heaven before returning inside to clean up in the galley. The room was dimly lit with minimal but adequate lighting. No one else was there besides Tifa. Just days ago work didn't seem that long. She enjoyed working along side her family, forgetting all her worries, but now the water had gotten cold and she wasn't getting anywhere with all the dirty tableware. Tifa tried turning on all the lights that illuminated the store in an effort to change the atmosphere. For a brief moment, the store lit up but the unstable electricity supply didn't keep it that way for long. The store was dimly lit again. A surge of uneasiness came over her. She wondered if she was all alone in the house. She couldn't stand it as the thought crossed her mind, and called out a girl's name.

"Marlene!"

Before long, soft footsteps could be heard coming from the children's room, deep inside the store, and Marlene appeared.

"Sssh," she frowned, putting a finger to her lips. Tifa apologized but was relieved.

"Denzel finally fell asleep."

"Was he in pain?"

"Yeah."

"You could have given me a shout."

"Denzel didn't let me."

"I see..."

Tifa blamed herself for letting the children worry about her.

"What's wrong?"

"Hmmm... What do you mean?" Tifa answered meaninglessly, trying to hide her feelings. Marlene looked around the store where only Tifa stood.

"Did you feel lonely?" The little girl saw through everything. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks. You should sleep soon too."

"I was just about to sleep!"

"Sorry."

She's my daughter. That's how I introduced her to people. Her parents died not too long ago and she was brought up by her father's closest friend, Barret.

Tifa learned a lot about Marlene ever since she met Barret and travelled around with him. It was only natural that Barret entrusted Marlene to Tifa when he decided to go on a journey to settle his past.

Tifa stopped washing and followed Marlene inside. In the children's room were two beds lined up next to one another. There, Denzel lay sound asleep. The Geostigma scar on the eight year old's forehead was a painful sight. Nothing could be done to ease the symptoms as the boy suffered and his condition wasn't improving at all either. Denzel grimaced a little as Tifa wiped away the pus from the scar on his soaked forehead, but he continued to sleep. Marlene, who had watched over Denzel, called out Tifa's name after she tucked herself up in her own bed.

"You still feel lonely even with us here, don't you?"

"...I'm sorry," Tifa answered honestly.

"It's OK. We're the same."

"I see."

"I wonder where Cloud is."

Tifa hung her head, unable to answer. Cloud was in Midgar somewhere. At first, she imagined how the worse could have happened. Maybe he had an accident when he went out on one of his jobs or he was attacked by some monster.

She soon found out that he was still out there doing jobs. There were people who had seen him. He just left the house, that's all. Tifa had tried to convince the children that there were no problems but she lost her composure. Before long, the children realized something had happened.

"Why did he leave?"

I didn't know. Maybe all kinds of problems had cropped up between us. But Tifa remembered that smile on Cloud's face when she last saw him. It had that kindness that made her think everything was all right.

I wonder if I was mistaken.
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One fated day, Meteor came shooting down from outer space. Flowing out from the seams of the Planet, the Lifestream merged together and destroyed it. Tifa had watched the scene together with her companions from the sky.

I wished everything was just washed away. Wash away my past. Our past. Maybe I too felt the inevitable terror that was going to come with the relief brought by the end of the battle.

I wondered if I could continue living the way I was.

When someone was faced with the same question, then she would tell them that they should live on no matter what happened. But now that it was about her, she was unsure.

Thanks to Shinra, Inc.'s development of Mako energy, the world was prospering. Light overflowed the ground's surface but at the same time, something much darker was happening. The anti-Shinra group AVALANCHE took action to let the world know what that darkness was.

Mako energy was leading the Planet to its destruction. Despite AVALANCHE's underground activity, little was achieved and the world remained unchanged. Once you understood the benefits of Mako, it was hard to turn your back against it. In an effort to change the situation, AVALANCHE chose to take more extreme action. In the Mako city of Midgar, where large amounts of Mako energy was consumed and lots of people lived, they blew up one of the reactors.

Due to a miscalculation in the bomb they made, the area that got destroyed was greater than they had planned. The surrounding areas of the Mako reactor was also destroyed. In response to the incident, Shinra, Inc. was on the move to eliminate AVALANCHE. An entire sector of Midgar where AVALANCHE's hideout resided and many residents were was completely destroyed. It was a brutal act by Shinra in order to destroy the small rebel group AVALANCHE. In the end, after the incident, AVALANCHE became the reason why countless innocent lives were lost.

That AVALANCHE was the group Tifa joined.

She had thought that sacrifices were more or less inevitable for their great goal. They were always ready to throw their lives away too. But after the catastrophe, Tifa and the others lost their stance on their original purpose. Amidst their struggle with Shinra, Inc., they soon found themselves fighting the powerful Sephiroth. Tifa, along with her childhood friend Cloud, the other remaining survivor of AVALANCHE Barret, Aerith who they met during all the chaos and Red XIII, they set out on their journey. After going through some more events, Cid, Cait Sith, Yuffie and Vincent also became her companions.

It seemed a new friendship was blooming but as if there was a price to pay, Aerith's life was taken away.

Even so, the journey was not over. Looking back at the course of their journey, Tifa could feel that their fight, whether it was a win or a loss, was coming to a close.

It all started when I was still a young girl. There was some trouble in the Mako reactor that was built near my hometown of Nibelheim that threatened our safety.

Sephiroth was dispatched by Shinra to resolve the problem but he killed my father. I couldn't bear the hatred I had for Shinra and Sephiroth. Then I joined AVALANCHE. Yes. That was the start of the resentment I had for them inside me. The slogans AVALANCHE used about how they were anti-Shinra and anti-Mako was just what I I needed to hide my true motive. But too many lives were sacrificed while we tried to save the Planet. If all that was just for my personal revenge then...

The sin held a role deep in Tifa's heart.

She wondered if she could live on with those feelings. Tifa was afraid of her future. She looked down from the sky towards the ground.

Meanwhile, Cloud was sitting next to her gazing at the same scenery, but he was smiling peacefully. It was a smile that she hadn't seen before during their journey. Cloud noticed her gaze and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Cloud, you're smiling."

"I am?"

"Yeah."

"Everything starts now. A new..." Cloud looked for the right words, "A new life."

"I'm going to live. I think that's the only way I can be forgiven. We've been through... all sorts of things."

"I guess you're right..."

"But when I think about how many times I've thought about starting a new life, it's funny."

"Why?"

"I've always failed to do it."

"That's not funny."

"...I think it will be all right this time."

Cloud became very quiet for a moment. Then he said, "Because you're with me."

"But I've always been with you."

"That's how it will be starting from tomorrow," Cloud replied smiling again.
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Tifa went to see Aerith together with her companions. Aerith, who was now at the bottom of the Forgotten City's spring. The world she wanted to save in exchange for her life would surely be all right now. That's what they were told. Tifa heard a voice asking if she was all right. She didn't know if it was Aerith's voice or her own. She couldn't help it but started crying. Right after Sephiroth took Aerith's life, Tifa felt no grief towards her death. There was sadness but that sadness was made into more anger and hatred she had towards the enemy. At least now she understood the sadness and pain she felt, tearing her heart apart as she visited the place. Being a member of AVALANCHE and being with a large group of people gave her these feelings. The tears wouldn't stop.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

She felt Cloud's hand on her shoulder. He held onto her firmly so that she wouldn't go anywhere. For now, she was just going to let herself cry as much as she felt like. Then she was going to leave the rest to him.

Alone, she just didn't know what she could do.
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Tifa and the companions that she was with for the whole trial of the journey separated just as easily as they joined. Vincent left just like one of those passengers that would sit next to you on a train. Yuffie protested. It just wasn't right for them to split up this way after all they'd been through as friends. Barret was the one who said to her that they could see each other whenever they wanted, if they all lived. Or maybe it was Cid. After promising to reunite one day, Tifa, Cloud and Barret separated from the others, leaving for Corel Town. It was Barret's hometown. The tragedies that occurred there because of Mako was what started everything for him. Standing silently for a moment, he told the others not to follow him. He too had to go on living bearing sins.

They also went to Nibelheim, Tifa and Cloud's hometown. They didn't feel any nostalgia. They were reminded clearly of the incident that took place in the town.

"I shouldn't have come, " said Cloud. "It draws me back to the past."

Cloud's words spoke out for the way Tifa felt too.
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They then went to Kalm. There, waiting for them, was Aerith's foster mother Elymyra and the girl that was left in her care, Marlene. Two of Elmyra's relatives had a house in Kalm and that was where they stayed. Barret and Marlene were happy to see each other again. Cloud told Elmyra what had happened to Aerith.

There were no signs how they accepted what had happened but Tifa, Cloud and Barret apologized for not being able to save Aerith.

"You all did what you could. There's no need for you to apologize," said Elmyra.

Tifa and the others couldn't say anything in reply.

Did we really do all we could?

There were many people who arrived in Kalm to take refuge. The normal houses became emergency shelters. The residents of Kalm didn't charge them even though they could. Even the inn provided rooms for the people in need for free. It was like everyone was cooperating to rebuild the world.

"Come on, let's go home," said Cloud.

"Where to?" Barret asked.

"Our suspended reality."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Our normal lives."

"And where do we have something like that?"

"We'll find one." Cloud looked at Tifa and said, "Right?"

"Yeah!" cried the cheerful Marlene. Tifa too nodded, but just like Barret, she wondered where they had a normal life.

The four of them arrived back at Midgar. The city had recovered from all the shock and chaos that took place right after Meteor was destroyed. People were on the move again looking towards their future... No, their present lives for the time being. Seeing this made Tifa blame herself again. When she looked at Midgar from the sky she wished everything was just got washed away. She didn't know there were still so many lives here. Tifa couldn't forgive herself for being so selfish. She told Cloud and Barret what she was thinking when they were on the airship. Barret and Cloud understood how she felt and agreed. But they reminded her that no matter where they were or what they were doing, they wouldn't be able to get away from the sins in their consciousness.

"Since that's the case, we'll live on. We'll live on until we pay back for our sins. It's the only way," said Barret.

When Tifa and Cloud were alone, Cloud said to her, "It's not like you to be troubled by your thoughts."

"It's... Just the way I am."

"No. You're much more cheerful and strong. If you've forgotten the way you were then, I'll be there to remind you."

"You really will?"

"Probably," Cloud said, blushing.
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The first thing they did was gather information in and around Midgar. There was a lack of materials, but importantly there wasn't any information being passed around about where to get things. The three of them split up and went around sharing the information they gathered with those who were in need, about where they could get the things they wanted. They helped the people that couldn't move on their own. At night, they slept under a plate in Midgar where rumor had it that it could fall anytime.

One day, Barret came back with a wine jar, a heater and various fruits. They were given to him as thanks for helping someone dismantle a house.

"Just watch," Barret told them as he skillfully started working on some cooking that they'd never seen before. The alcohol had been left to stand for two weeks since then. They found out that it was some special wine made in the town of Corel. Tifa and Cloud sipped their wine slowly. Barret was drinking so much that you could probably bathe in the amount he drank. He looked like he was enjoying it as he talked about his memories of the peaceful times. Drunk, he fell into a well. It's been a long time since Tifa and Cloud burst out laughing.

The next day, Barret said in a serious tone, "How about we started a business and sold this wine?"

"We?" Cloud asked, surprised.

"Of course, you idiot! We can't draw customers! Tifa will have to do it."

"Me?"

"You're good at it."

Not long ago, AVALANCHE's hideout was at a bar named Seventh Heaven. It was what funded the members lives and activities. Tifa was the barmaid there or, more accurately, the bar's manager. Barret continued.

"From my point of view, the people of Midgar can be split into two types. Those dilly dallying around who still can't accept what's happened to the city and those who are working to live on. I understand how both types of people are feeling. Everyone is facing their problems but they're just coping with it in different ways right? The solution to everyone's problem is wine."

"Why is that?"

"I dunno. But when we were half drunk yesterday, we laughed. We forgot all sorts of things right? That's the moment we're after."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Times like that are important ain't they? Hey Tifa, what do you think?"

Tifa couldn't answer right away. She understood what Barret was saying but, opening up a bar felt like going back to the times of AVALANCHE again. Cloud spoke up.

"Tifa, let's give it a go. If it gets too tough, we can just stop."

"It won't be tough. If Tifa doesn't work she'll end up thinkin' about all sorts of things. Then she'll end up not being able to do anything."

That might have been true.

The three of them made preparations. They decided to build their new business in the new city of Edge, that was north of Midgar.

All the people that Barret and Cloud had helped before gathered together. They all transported all the materials that would be used to build parts of the store such as the walls and pillars.

Barret shouted out his orders while Cloud went around correcting them in a low voice. Tifa, on the other hand, learned how to make Corel's wine and improved it so that it was better to drink. She also thought of the food she could put on their menu using the steady supply of ingredients they could use. Marlene was like a mascot to the people who helped build their bar. It was as if she was emphasizing how she was going to be the new barmaid. It was hard work solving the problems that arose every day, but it was some fulfilment for them. Sometimes, Tifa would find herself feeling guilty for her sins when she smiled, but she would always get interrupted as someone called her over to ask about something.

A few days more and they might be able to open the new bar, Cloud said. Barret asked what they were going to do about the name. There were a few suggestions but Cloud's ones were all meaningless and boring while Barret's ones made them think of monsters. In the end, it was Tifa who had to decide. The two men promised her that they wouldn't complain no matter what the name was. But it was nearing opening day and Tifa didn't have the time to think about it with all the work she had to do. One day, Marlene came and asked them what they were going to do about the bar's name.

"We're still thinking about it."

"I wish it was Seventh Heaven," said Marlene. It was a name Tifa wanted to avoid.

Just having the past in me was enough. There was no need to go to the trouble of making a name that would remind me of it.

"Why?"

"Because it was fun. If we make it Seventh Heaven we'll have fun again."

We had forgotten how adults had ambitions, but Marlene had nothing to do with them. To her, Seventh Heaven was a happy home where Barret, Tifa and her friends were.

"Hmmm, Seventh Heaven..."

I couldn't erase my past. I could only compromise and live on.

Tifa decided she was ready.

The first day of Seventh Heaven's opening was a great success. The Corel wine was something that you could make yourself when you felt like it, so the price was nothing special. Because of the limited ingredients they had, they couldn't make any special dishes. Even so, people sought places like this. A place where they could be with friends while drinking. A place where you could get over the sadness of reality, or maybe forget about reality and think about the future. People who didn't have money were allowed to trade items to get a drink. A variety of juices were prepared too, so that children could also go inside. They only served the ones that Marlene tried and liked. She was someone who couldn't be missing out on anything. Marlene was the waitress who served until not too late into the night. Those who drank too much were ordered to go home without any hesitation.

Barret sipped his wine in a corner. Maybe he was planning to be the bouncer. Cloud's job was to obtain the ingredients they needed for their food and wine. He didn't know most of the names of the fruit and vegetables. At first Tifa was surprised, but when she thought about the life that Cloud had, it couldn't be helped. It was funny when she thought about how Cloud's new life was going to start by remembering the names of vegetables. No, I mustn't laugh, Tifa thought to herself.

Cloud wasn't good at socializing. He wasn't good at communicating, yet he would go negotiate somewhere to obtain the ingredients they needed. The ingredients had a value greater than what they were financially worth. Cloud was moving on too.

After the first week of opening, Barret told the others that he was going to leave on a journey, seeing how well the business was going now. He was going to leave Marlene behind.

"I wanna go on a journey to settle my past."

Cloud nodded as if he understood.

"Settle your past...? But I want to do that too."

"You guys can do that here. Don't just take. Try proving that you can give too."

Marlene, who had always slept with Tifa, slept with her foster father Barret the night before he left. Their conversations could be heard late into the night.

Early next morning, Barret set off.

Behind him Marlene shouted, "Send me some letters! Phone too!"

Barret raised his artificial right arm up that had a machine gun attached to it. He kept walking without looking back. It was the back of a figure who had no other way to live than to fight.

I wondered just what kind of life he would find. I prayed that he would be able to stay far away from war. Not just take. I prayed he would be able to prove that he could give too.

"Make sure you be a 'nice' kid!"

Cloud and Tifa glanced at each other, as they heard Barret's words. Be a 'nice' kid?

"I'll take care of Cloud and Tifa!"

Barret turned round and shouted, "Take care!" His voice was a little shaky.

"Keep the family together and keep at it!"
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Friends were a necessity to me, so that I could live on without being supressed by the sins in my consciousness. Even if they were fellow companions that had the same wounds. Even if they were fellow companions who were burdened with the same sins. We couldn't live without comforting each other and encouraging each other.

Maybe you could call that family. We just had to keep the family together and do our best.

Tifa thought she could get over anything being with friends that she could call family.
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It's been several months since they opened the bar. There was a call from Cloud, who went to collect their supply of ingredients. He wanted to discuss the privilege of how much one person could eat and drink for free during their lifetime at Seventh Heaven. Tifa knew what he wanted to say without listening to his story. She was sure there was something Cloud wanted to exchange that odd privilege for no matter what.

It was night and Cloud came back on a bike. It was a model that they had never seen before. Since then, he had been adjusting it whenever he could spare the time in between his job. He brought an engineer that he knew from somewhere to discuss modifying his bike. It seemed a few other people came to help Cloud complete the modifications. Marlene and her young neighborhood friends also watched. The scene reassured Tifa that they were really becoming a family in the world.

There were many times when Cloud had to leave Midgar for their supplies. The destination was mainly Kalm. He had to rent a bike or a truck or sometimes a chocobo but now, he had his own bike. Occasionally it seemed he would travel very far and manage to get some rare goods.

One night, there was a call for Cloud. After talking on the phone for a while, Cloud said he had to go out for a while.

"Where are you going?"

"How should I tell you this..."

Cloud told Tifa how there had many times when he was asked to deliver something while returning with supplies. The caller was one of the store owners who shared some of his vegetables with them. It seemed there was something that he wanted Cloud to deliver before the night was over by all means. Cloud gazed at Tifa like a kid who just had his secrets revealed.

"Why are you looking at me like that?

"Well... I'm sorry I kept quiet about it."

"About what?"

"Doing what I wanted."

Tifa burst out laughing. Cloud went on about how he got paid a little for delivering items. He felt guilty spending it all on the modifications for his bike. Tifa thought he was just like a kid. It may have been a little sad that Cloud had found another world that she didn't know about, but the fact that his world was expanding was a welcoming thought. Yes, it was similar to the feelings a mother would have. Tifa walked Cloud outside and was enjoying the new feeling that was blooming in her.
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Tifa was able to live along with the sins in her conciousness now, but she hadn't forgotten about them. Someday, the day may come when she would be punished. Until that day came, Tifa was going to look ahead and live on. She was going to live not just taking, but proving that she herself can give too.
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Tifa seriously encouraged Cloud to run a delivery service. They could just take requests at the bar. As for dealing with calls, Marlene or herself could do it. Cloud hesitated, but after thinking about it for one night, he accepted the suggestion. He was just being hesitant again, after all.

And so, that was the beginning of the Strife Delivery Service. Midgar was the center of their business but they also delivered all over the world. Only to the areas that Cloud could reach by bike, though. Cloud smiled at how he was like a big advertisement. His job was also a big success. It was a time when sending things weren't so easy for people who wanted to. Monsters were still lurking around and there were roads that were built in areas that could break up due to the Lifestream bursting out. This job of travelling around the world wasn't something that anyone could do. It was a job he had been wanting. Tifa thought it was wonderful how Cloud, who wasn't very sociable, was doing a job that connected people through his delivery service.

After Cloud started his delivery service, their 'family' life was affected greatly. It wasn't too good. Cloud was usually not at home apart from mornings and late night. And of course, that meant there were less chances for the three of them to have conversations together. Tifa tried closing the bar for a day every week but it didn't stop Cloud from doing his job. Cloud couldn't turn down requests. Although Tifa wanted everyone to be able to take some time off together now and then, she decided that it was too selfish of her. During that time, it was Marlene who noticed a change in Cloud. She told Tifa how Cloud would sometimes look up at the sky and not pay attention to her.

Cloud never really approached Marlene to talk in the first place, but I'm sure he never ignored her before when she talked to him. I knew that Cloud had his own ways of getting along with Marlene. I thought about how there were people everywhere that weren't good with children but had their own ways of coping with them.

I told her that Cloud was probably just tired, but it bothered me. Marlene was a child who was sensitive about the changes in adults.

During their holiday, Tifa and Marlene were cleaning the room that was now Cloud's office. There were many papers that laid scattered about unsorted. One of them caught Tifa's eye.

Client Name - Elmyra Gainsborough
Delivery Item - Bouquet
Destination - The Forgotten City

Tifa put the paper away with the others as if nothing happened. But she was trembling severely. Transporting mail around the world meant Cloud was travelling around his past too. She knew that Cloud was in great pain because he couldn't protect Aerith. Cloud was on the verge of overcoming it but now, going back to the place where he and Aerith got seperated meant that his sorrow and regret were going to tear his heart apart once again.

It was night and they had closed the bar. Cloud was drinking wine even though he rarely did. He drained his glass. Tifa hesitated before going over and filling his glass.

"Shall I join you?" There was something she wanted to talk to him about.

"I want to drink alone."

Hearing that, Tifa lost control and said, "Then drink in your room."

Barret had called a few times. Most of the time, he wouldn't talk about himself but instead, asked more about how Marlene was doing. Then everytime he would end the call by having a little chat with Marlene. Marlene wondered if Tifa was listening or not before she told Barret in a sad voice, "Cloud and Tifa aren't getting along very well."

No matter what feelings Cloud and Tifa had between them, they couldn't drag Marlene into it, Tifa thought to herself.

Tifa forced herself to talk to Cloud. When Marlene was near, she would pick something positive, something that wouldn't turn the conversation into a serious matter. Cloud was bewildered at the way Tifa changed but guessing at what she was trying to do, he went along with the mood and talked to her. Even Marlene joined in with their conversations.

I thought it went pretty well. But I couldn't talk about what I really wanted to talk about. I didn't know what to say.

One morning, Tifa shared a story she heard from a customer that seemed funny.

"That's really something that can't be done," Cloud thought aloud.

"It can't be done!" Marlene cried out.

All the adults were surprised and looked at Marlene.

"You've told us that story before! Cloud just gives the same answer everytime!"

It didn't go well, but we were together. We were family. We lived in the same house and we lived by keeping the family together. Maybe there wasn't much conversation or smiles. But we were family, Tifa thought to herself. No, it was what she made herself think.

After making certain that Cloud was asleep, she said to him.

"We'll be all right, won't we?"

Of course, there was no answer. Only the sound of Cloud sleeping could be heard. Tifa wondered if the fact that he was sleeping here meant that he was part of the family.

"Do you love me?"

Cloud woke up, a dubious look on his face.

"Hey, Cloud. Do you love Marlene?"

"Yeah. But sometimes I don't know how to approach her."

"Even though we've been together for sometime?"

"Maybe that just isn't enough."

"Even we aren't enough for you?"

Cloud didn't answer.

"Sorry for asking some strange things."

"Don't apologize. It's my problem."

Cloud closed his eyes.

"Lets work hard together."

Cloud didn't answer.

Not long after that, Cloud brought Denzel home with him. Denzel was already unconcious when he was brought into the bar. It was Geostigma. Cloud said the symptoms looked like they just started not long ago. As Tifa nursed Denzel, she thought of how there were many children who were also infected with the same disease. There were many facilities set up for children who had lost their parents. Yet, why did Cloud bring Denzel here? Just when Tifa was going to ask him, Cloud muttered something.

"This kid came to my place."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..."
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After Denzel recovered, she listened to Denzel's story about everything that happened to him before he arrived here. Then she thought to herself that he was meant to come here. He was one of the victims when Sector 7 was destroyed.

Sector 7 was destroyed was because of us. That's why I had to take responsibility and raise him. He didn't go to Cloud's place. He met Cloud so that he could come to my place.

Tifa discussed with Cloud and Marlene about how she wanted to welcome Denzel into their family. Cloud nodded silently but Marlene was full of joy.

At first, Denzel was persistent in helping them as thanks for taking care of him but, his heart began opening to them as he helped Cloud with his job and around the bar.

It was night and the bar was closed. While cleaning up in the galley, Tifa looked up towards the center table. There sat the manager of Strife Delivery Service, Cloud and his two assistants, Marlene and Denzel. Denzel often suffered because of Geostigma, but on the days when he didn't have a fever or any pain, he would hang around with Cloud. Every day, Cloud would spend half his day out. So once he was home, it was Denzel's precious time to spend with his hero. Yes, Cloud was a hero to Denzel. Riding on his bike, saving Denzel as he fought with terrors of death when the symptoms of Geostigma errupted... It was everything that Denzel had been yearning for. Denzel wanted to ask Cloud about everything. He would keep asking Tifa questions that she couldn't answer until Cloud returned home. Once, Tifa half jokingly said to Denzel that she was the one cooking their meals everyday. Denzel also said in an grown up manner that he cleaned the house and the bar everyday too.

It was true and he done a very thorough job of cleaning. When he was asked if it was his passed away mother who taught him how to clean, he answered no. The following day, Tifa asked Cloud who Denzel's cleaning teacher was. He had told Cloud about it. Tifa was a little hurt.

I was troubled at why Denzel told Cloud and didn't tell me. One day I tried asking a customer that was about the same age as Denzel about it. His answer was that boys were just like that. So there really weren't any problems. We were just a normal family.

The answer didn't make her understand them more but, the words 'normal family' relieved Tifa.

After the bar was closed, the usual three people sat around the table. It wouldn't be a surprise if someone said it was a young father with his two children. If Tifa felt like it, she could go over to that table and be welcomed with smiles.

Cloud laid out a map on the table. He was making sure of the routes that he was going to take to do deliveries the next day. Denzel and Marlene was sorting out the papers. When there were any words that Marlene couldn't read, she asked Denzel. Denzel would then teach Marlene like an older brother. When there were words that even Denzel couldn't read, he would ask Cloud. Cloud had the habit of handing them a pen after telling them how to read them. He told them that if they couldn't write the words then they wouldn't be able to remember them either. The various names of places on the papers made the children curious and they asked Cloud what they were like. Cloud's descriptions were simple. There are lots of people. There are very little people. There's lots of monsters, so it's dangerous. Taking the north route is safer... They were descriptions that would make you ask, "is that all?" but the children seemed content. Soon, Tifa wanted to talk a little about the places too. When she added in more detail, Denzel would ask Cloud if it was true. It annoyed Tifa a little. But she also thought it was all right. That's probabbly what normal families were like.

Maybe they became a real family after Denzel arrived. Cloud was clearly taking fewer jobs. At night, he would always make sure he had time to spend with the children. The silly little conversations he had with Tifa were also back.
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"So the problem was resolved?"

"What problem?"

"Your problem."

"Yeah..."

Cloud thought about it.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me."

"I can't really explain it well..." Cloud warned before starting to talk.

"The problem isn't resolved. Well, I don't think it will be resolved for a long time to come. You can't retrieve lives that have been lost."

Tifa nodded silently.

"But maybe we can still save those lives that are endangered just now. Maybe even I can do it."

"You mean Denzel?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, do you remember what you said when you brought Denzel here?"

"What did I say?"

"You said Denzel came to your place."

"Well..." Cloud looked like a kid that about to be scolded as usual.

"Tell me. I'll decide whether I'm angry or not after I listen."

Cloud nodded and continued.

"Denzel had collapsed in front of the church where Aerith used to be. That's why I thought Aerith lead him to 'my place'".

Saying all that in one breath, Cloud looked away.

"You went to the church."

"I wasn't planning to hide there."

"You were hiding."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't say you couldn't go. But next time, I'll go together with you."

"I understand."

"And you're wrong, Cloud."

Cloud looked dubiously at Tifa.

"Aerith didn't bring Denzel to you."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too."

"Aerith brought that child to us, didn't she?"

Cloud gazed at Tifa and finally smiled. It had that kindness that made her think everything was all right.
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Days after having that conversation, Cloud left. Tifa wondered if the smile she saw was just an illusion. After kissing the sleeping children on the face, she went into Cloud's office. Brushing away the dust on the family photo they took, she tried calling him. After several rings, the messaging service took over.

RPGs

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 11:02:40 GMT

Okay, so I am greatly amused by this thread from thedressingroom. The girls playing solitusvir, silverfringe, and harry_j_p started talking to each other and and I don't know why but I thought they were really amusing.

I've been following these RPGs because compared to fanfics, they gets updated everyday. I feel like there's another reason, but it's still floating about in my head and I'm quite sure that as usual, it won't make sense if I write it down. Anyway, for the record, I'm following these RPGS:

thedressingroom

oblivi8

wtf_drarry

Although lately thedressingroom became my favorite because I get to see FF7 characters around as well (NO TIFA, WTF!). And okay, I admit, it's also mostly because there's more progress here when it comes to H/D. wtf_drarry is also starting to pick up on the H/D again. The Draco there kind of disappears whenever, but Harry's starting to scream again and it's always a good thing for H/D shippers when Harry starts screaming.

This is a completely useless post.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 12:48:06 GMT

WHY do I have colds!? With sore throat! I take enough vitamins to help a whole country survive and a few nights of 7-hour sleep get me sick!

WTF!!!

* * * * *

While we're on the topic of useless posts, I give you my icons!

1. 2. 3.
4. 5. 6.

1. Old GIF image. Will most probably replaced by an animal picture just because.
2. CC! The cloned cat! I love kitties! For happy moods.
3. Snakes are love. Especially green ones. Default icon. Extra points for representing lies and deception. Is a sucker for such themes.
4. Hawk. Hawks are nice. For posts that make sense. Of course, since I'm the judge of things, most probably the logic behind the use of this icon will go in circles at some point. I'm not very fond of blue.
5. Lions are the ~~sex~~ love. This icon took forever to make and the words have been changed for about 3 times now. This is the 4th version. Unfortunately, I don't know how to handle my own lion. I should be ashamed of myself.
6. Haha, H/D-related icon. It's a must, for those types of posts. You know.

ETA: New OTP icon, woot! Although it kind of looks awfully out-of-place with all the animals around.

* * * * *

Useless post #3.

Checked with my little thick book of handwriting analysis again. It's a regular habit because my handwriting changes constantly.

Update: Somewhere along the line, the emphasized words in my handwritten notes began to show signs of neuroticism.

Cheers.

Ugh #2.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 12:52:47 GMT

I get so easily cheered up it's disgusting.

The Cloud Song

I'm not sure if this will be as hilarious if you're not a FF7 player. But have at it anyway :)

Ugh.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 11:43:40 GMT

I know these things are inevitable sometimes, but NOT WHEN THE REASON IS GLOBAL WARMING!!!

NgaArgGhHhHharraaahghGghGggaAArrghhghhklljklashkjbskjvbuirhvakjesbnklhvkujanuegauleHJASNVZJDKHVUDSRHJAVLBJSjdnsjavnjekrhvuishevjdrfngvdfjhbvdurhgujdrgbjbjkbgyjvbjhbvjhfyjhvyjfYIVYLJFYvyfyjhvJHVYJLVlhvlhguiGUIGUIVBVFGUVKguiguivhSDFJBkjbdbkjbvhfgjhvgfvgvtgvkgCKGVCGVCKGVCkgvckvcjhgvckhgckhgchghvjhvjhVJHVJHVJHJNJHVvvkhbhjbdkksjbsvejhzjbcjebcsjlcchgcGCvyufyhvfarrrghaaaaAAAaaargharrrrrgh!!!

Source: Time Magazine - Feb 20, 2006

First time I got interested.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 11:00:27 GMT

I want to know!

GO HERE NOW!!!

EEK!

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 12:36:09 GMT

This is serious, I'm really throwing a fit!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

tHiS iS wHaT fOrCeD lAbOr dOeS tO mE. iT dRaInS aWaY mY aBiLiTy tO pRoPeRlY cApItAlIzE.

I hate this feeling. I said I will do whatever I want. Favors are so overrated.